ometimes I have days where I’m inexplicably self destructive. I’ll be all ‘Hmmm… today’s going well… might just Google myself to see if anyone has called me a dumb bitch online recently…’. It’s absolutely ridiculous behaviour. I can’t say I do it often but when I do, I just cannot believe that I did it. It never ends well. It’s like holding your hand over a candle and being surprised when you get burnt. Most people tend to avoid behaviours that leave them with physical scars but we seem more than happy to keep on running back to old emotional wounds and ripping them wide open again. It’s silly. Let’s all stop doing that shall we? Here are 5 toxic behaviours you need to quit immediately.
Trying on clothes that you know are too small
So you just got back from a 2 week holiday in Italy where the main ingredient in everything you consumed was carbs and the second you get back, you decide to gauge your body damage by trying on your skinny jeans. Big mistake. Don’t do it. I guarantee you will just feel like shit. Unless you were struck down with a stomach flu or you’re a magical person who’s body doesn’t immediately pack on 5 kg when it smells cheese, this is not going to end well. Actually just ditch the skinny jeans all together. No one needs that crap in their lives.
Facebook stalking people you hate
So that nasty girl who made your life hell in high school ended up marrying a handsome millionaire, made her own fortune selling her How To Be Beautiful and Amazing series of best sellers, lives in Paris and didn’t get fat. Flicking through photos of her being successful, happy and gorgeous is not going to make you feel good. Go do something that will work towards you being successful, happy and gorgeous instead and don’t waste brain space on people who don’t deserve it.
Looking at old emails that upset youÂ
You don’t need to keep emails and text messages from fights that you’ve had with people. If you resolved the argument, delete them. If you agree to disagree, delete them. If there’s no chance of reconciliation, move on and delete them. If there’s an active legal dispute, obviously keep them but if you got fired unceremoniously as a bridesmaid five years ago via text message because you refused to get a fake tan, delete that crap. You don’t need it and the negativity will only be weighing you down.
Pretending to be friends with peopleÂ
It’s never okay to be rude or unkind to people but you also don’t have to hang out with people who’s company you don’t enjoy. I used to work with a guy who actually hated one of this closest friends. He hung out with this guy several times a week and complained constantly about how awful it was. Don’t do it. It’s much better to gently phase someone out of your life than it is to pity-hang out with them. Plus you’ll hate your life less. Win.
Stubbornly holding on to unimportant emotional baggageÂ
I have a friend of a friend who’s high school boyfriend kissed some other girl at party like 15 years ago and she still regularly bangs on about it and gets upset when he posts pictures of himself with his now wife on Facebook. We’ve all had our hearts broken and we all dredge up our worst romance stories from time to time over a bottle of wine with girlfriends but this woman has let this, quite frankly tame experience define her whole adult love life. It’s bonkers. If someone mildly hurt you when you were a teenager you need to get over it. Entry level teenage indiscretions are not comparable to lengthy extra-marital affairs so it might be best to shelve that high-school broken heart story around people who have actual problems.
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Do you indulge in any toxic behaviours that you need to ditch?
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P.S If you’re a blogger and you can get to Melbourne on the 21st March you should come to the Little Blog Big Workshop I’m running with Hair Romance and Sesame Ellis. Tickets have been selling like crazy so get in quick – we’ve only got about a dozen or so left!
BOOK NOW28 Comments
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Such great advice Carly and it seems so simple will you break it down like you have – onwards and upwards hey xo
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Absolutely! Sometimes we just need to be reminded that that stuff isn’t healthy!
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The most toxic thing I do these days is the comparison thing. I’m always looking at what someone else is doing or wearing or being brilliant at and thinking, damn why aren’t I that brilliant? It’s a constant running myself down gig. Very toxic and completely useless!
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I don’t have a problem with other people being brilliant but I do waste a little of time being annoyed when non-brilliant people get wildly successful. Again, not very helpful or postitive behaviour! 🙂
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Oh…the facebook one is soo me. Facebook stalking an ex/ husband’s ex /ex friend/ the hot guy/girl you were jealous of/ wished would date you to see if they have a better life/body/relationship than you. It never ends well. NEVER l. Why do we do this to ourselves?!
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I know! Thankfully my job is the internet so I’ve ended up becoming quite bored of Facebook but if I didn’t self regulate I’m sure I’d be doing that too!
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I’m really bad at hoarding small clothes in the hope that they will fit me again…. one day. They never fit but they always make me feel bad for gaining the weight in the first place. I’m currently culling the wardrobe and the too-small stuff is on a one way ticket to Vinnies. If nothing else, the clothes rail and my conscience will be a lot lighter!
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I’m not too bad at this – I’ve been about the same size for ten years now and before then I was lot bigger but I have a pair of jeans that aren’t exactly too small they just don’t fit well and it drives it me bonkers. I’m getting rid of them today. TODAY DAMN IT!
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Omg last Friday night I was alone and feeling particularly sorry for myself, so I stalked my previous three exs. Then the other day I went to search something in my Facebook and my search history was there: three names in a row. So bad!
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Oh no! It’s so mean that it leaves evidence! No worries – onwards and upwards! Let us never speak of this again.
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I’m definitely guilty of self-sabotaging. Why should I be happy? Why should I be successful? How flipping ridiculous! I recently did the most ruthless wardrobe cull and got rid of anything that didn’t fit or make me feel good. I’d highly recommend it! x
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I always feel so much better after I do those! I did one in February too! I do them fairly regularly though. I agree, I think it’s all about allowing yourself to be awesome and it’s really hard to do that! 🙂
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I’m over Facebook bagging. I just read some of the MKR feed and people were making awful comments about a person they have never met and are judging purely on a choreographed reality show. It’s unnecessary and doesn’t make anyone look or feel good. Toxic all over.
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It’s so mean! I can’t imagine caring that much about someone I hadn’t met particulary if all they had done was mildly annoy me on TV.
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I always ramble on here so I’m just gonna keep this short and say this post was perfect and I sadly do too many of these on a semi-regular basis. Just have to remember that I’ll be happier if I don’t.
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Oh good! I think sometimes we all just need to be reminded of things like that. You can waste so much time on negative stuff without even realising it!
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P.S. By “skinny jeans” you mean jeans that are too small, not jeans that are pencil legged or whatever, right? because I can’t do without my black skinny leg jeans; they’re like my Fred Flintstone staple piece.
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Oh yes jeans that fit you when you’re skinny, not skinny leg jeans.
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Why do people do it to themselves, why?!? My toxicity comes from holding grudges, but I’m working really hard to get over myself. x
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Oh yes grudges are HARD! I’ve let go of most of mine… I’m struggling a bit with a reconciled friendship at the moment but it’s not too bad…
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Man we are our own worst enemies arent we. I worry too much about what other people think. That is my most toxic habit xx
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I used to but I don’t any more… I just make sure I’m 100 percent behind everything I say or do. I think if you know where you stand it’s easier to hold your ground you know?
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Mine seems to be buying into online discussions (because I can) and then becoming emotionally invested in the issue (do people agree, etc) – even if it wasn’t something I was particularly interested in before. Can waste a lot of time arguing the case for something that hadn’t passed my mind half an hour before! Good topic!
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Yep! I do that all the time! I wasted a good two hours defending my position on the Whole Pantry fiasco. What a waste! Although in the past I would have wasted a lot more time than that!
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Carly you completely nailed it! I’m guilty of pretty much all of these but my number one is the skinny jeans!! Two days after having my baby I tried to get into some size 6 mini shorts I loved. What a freaking surprise I got!! I keep going back to them and punishing myself because they don’t fit! Thanks for your advice, I think it’s just easier to ditch them!! Xx
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Ha! Hilarious! I would totally have done that too… like I’ll just check in case I happened to have not gained a zillion kilos when growing a human!
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Well put Carly, I’m guilty of MANY of these! Namely Facebook and Instagram stalking people who decided not to like me anymore. Not sure why I’m torturing myself!
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