Disclaimer – I have written and posted this piece THREE times in the past week but my darling blog (who is clearly being a bitch) keeps deleting it. So I apologise if my writing drips with negativity and contempt.
So the other day I was fancying myself as a bit of a fashion bigwig. Imagining Smaggle going ‘global’ so to speak and being given my own show. It would be a Trinny and Susannah meets Oprah meets Tonya Toddman* meets Pixie Geldoff kind of affair. THEN I was thinking it’s only a matter of time before ‘SMAGGLE – The Movie’… Oh whatever! I’m so not the only person who does this. I was on the stepper at the gym for like 20 minutes and there is only so long that I can think about Johnny Depp before I need a moment alone to… er… collect my thoughts. Naturally the mind wanders…
Anyway I was casting the plum role of Lady Smaggle and running through the obvious contenders. The Kates – Blanchett or Winslet. Either would be fine. Perhaps a little Toni Collette action? Helen Mirren if the movie was set in the future… And then in the midst of an ill placed song on my ipod the answer came to me…
Jennifer Saunders. Specifically in an Edwina Monsoon kind of fashion. No Liv Tyler or Jennifer Lopez for me. I would love to flatter myself and say Audrey Tautou but no one on this planet could do Smaggle like Jennifer Saunders. Any given evening you’ll find me on a balcony, drinking wine and talking about penises. Hell yes. All I can say is, Jennifer? My people will call your people.
So what about you lady face? Man head? Who would play you in a movie? Be honest… don’t bullshit me here.
Love Lady Smaggle
xxx
* Tonya Toddman is this awesomely daggy Australian DIY guru. She used to be on a show called ‘Better Homes and Gardens’ and she’d make pillowcase covers, bath bombs and handy craft racks. I freakin’ loved her. I would sit through hours of landscaping tips just to see her make a lamp out of old glass jars. As I said, she is pretty daggy but I’m betting she could kick Trinny’s arse. Susannah’s too.
23 Comments
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Dawn French. Perhaps we could collaborate?
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Christina Ricci – not as her lovely self now but when she was Wednesday Adams. . . or so people tell me, sigh.
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HAHA! I love me some Saunders. I think mine would have to be someone like that as well, no waifish hipsters for me!
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Years ago, I would have said Claire Danes, but she’s not going back to brunette anytime soon, it seems. Maybe Isla Fischer – I wouldn’t mind being played by a redhead and she has the right amount of goofiness and is little enough. With my luck, though, it’d probably be Laura San Giacomo.
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Hah! Well, people tell me I look a lot like Mary-Louise Parker … but I think, personality-wise, it’d be more like Gilda Radner. Funny, spazzy, frizzy.
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Juno Temple.
Same hair.
Plus her character in Wild Child was waaaay too much like me, so I know she could pull of my boy/food obsession shtick.I also want to share that when I was little, I was only allowed to stay up “late” one night a week, it was Tuesdays, so I could watch Better Homes And Gardens, I was in awe of Noni Hazelhurst.
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this is amazing lol…I love Jennifer and only wish she could play me. My instinct says I would likely be played by kirsten dunst but this is only due to the fact that people here in LA seem to think I resemble her ( I only sort of see it) and similar style/music taste. So, er, yeah I think it’s KD all the way.
Acting chops wise, I would rather a Kate could play me.
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No waifs for me either – I reckon Janeane Garofalo cos she’s short, loud, cynical and a bit of a smart arse.
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John Travolta!…….Sad but quite true.
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I was thinking this morning, whatever happened to Trinny and Susannah? Where’d they go? They were everywhere over here and now nothing.
To play me in a movie though? I have no idea! Someone a little podgy who falls under the category of a weirdy nerd?
Maybe Grayson Perry just for the laughs. =] -
This is OT and may be old news, but did you know there was a picture of you in the August/September issue of BUST magazine?
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Nicole – Oh I got told about that! The editor was supposed to send me a copy! Could you possibly buy me a copy of the mag and send it to me? I’ll pay postage and for the mag I just want to see it! Thanks for letting me know!
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Oh great choice! I have no idea for me, so why don’t we just say Megan Fox – lmao!
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Oh, definitely, I can send you a copy, but don’t worry about paying for it. It would probably come out to no more than 6 or 7 dollars. I’m actually a fellow Aussie, so technically I’d just be doing my patriotic duty ; )
If you want to send me your address, my email is NPhillipsKuharski@gmail.com. I probably won’t be able to get to the post office till this Saturday though, is that ok?
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Ann Hathaway: super pale skin, super dark hair, sort of big nose, and thick eyebrows- she’s a prettier version of me.
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Drew Barrymore.
or Jack Nicholson.
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Fran Drescher in drag.
All the way.
Xx
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Sarah Michelle Gellar
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Fun choice :))))
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Tootie for sure.
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Tonia Toddman! Now there is a name you don’t hear nearly enough these days.
As for who gets the star role, I’d have to say Ellen Page. Or Zooey Deschanel.
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Tonya was actually on Healthy, Wealthy and Wise, which existed well before Better Home and Gardens.
