Disclaimer – I have written and posted this piece THREE times in the past week but my darling blog (who is clearly being a bitch) keeps deleting it. So I apologise if my writing drips with negativity and contempt.
So the other day I was fancying myself as a bit of a fashion bigwig. Imagining Smaggle going ‘global’ so to speak and being given my own show. It would be a Trinny and Susannah meets Oprah meets Tonya Toddman* meets Pixie Geldoff kind of affair. THEN I was thinking it’s only a matter of time before ‘SMAGGLE – The Movie’… Oh whatever! I’m so not the only person who does this. I was on the stepper at the gym for like 20 minutes and there is only so long that I can think about Johnny Depp before I need a moment alone to… er… collect my thoughts. Naturally the mind wanders…
Anyway I was casting the plum role of Lady Smaggle and running through the obvious contenders. The Kates – Blanchett or Winslet. Either would be fine. Perhaps a little Toni Collette action? Helen Mirren if the movie was set in the future… And then in the midst of an ill placed song on my ipod the answer came to me…
Jennifer Saunders. Specifically in an Edwina Monsoon kind of fashion. No Liv Tyler or Jennifer Lopez for me. I would love to flatter myself and say Audrey Tautou but no one on this planet could do Smaggle like Jennifer Saunders. Any given evening you’ll find me on a balcony, drinking wine and talking about penises. Hell yes. All I can say is, Jennifer? My people will call your people.
So what about you lady face? Man head? Who would play you in a movie? Be honest… don’t bullshit me here.
Love Lady Smaggle
xxx
* Tonya Toddman is this awesomely daggy Australian DIY guru. She used to be on a show called ‘Better Homes and Gardens’ and she’d make pillowcase covers, bath bombs and handy craft racks. I freakin’ loved her. I would sit through hours of landscaping tips just to see her make a lamp out of old glass jars. As I said, she is pretty daggy but I’m betting she could kick Trinny’s arse. Susannah’s too.