Lady’s Loves and Loathes

Esty

Lady loves…

* The second hand book shop on Swanston Street called ‘Kill City’. Main theme being crime books. It’s freaking awesome. I’ve stocked up for my holiday reading – I’ve got Port Arthur Massacre, Ivan Milat and the Falconio murder locked and loaded. 

* Kiwi fruit. 

* Judge Judy being on just as I arrive at the gym. Nothing like a couple of ‘You’re full of a balony!’s to get me through my 20 minutes on the stepper. 

* Brand new art journals. 

* My job. Again. Today there was a little boy going TO TOWN scratching his nether regions, so naturally I was all ‘Dude. What’s the go down there?’. He replied ‘There’s something on my doodle!’. Turns out, one of the little girls in his class had followed him to the toilet and stuck a CD security sticker to his balls. I bit a freaking hole in my lip trying not to laugh as the education support assistant had to literally scratch it of this poor kid’s sack. Golden.

* Clean sheets and a hot water bottle. Delicious! 

* James Franco.

* This is a little of an over share but, peeing when you really need to go… nothing beats it. 

* Having only one more day of work before the weekend. Partying, packing and then heading back to Canberra. 

* Having the week of baby animals last week. Firstly my teacher brought in two baby kangaroos that she is bottle feeding. Oh. My. God. Cuteness factor of five billion. Then a lady from work brought in her Cavalier King Charles Spaniel puppy called Harry who snuggled up on my shoulder and gently ate my ear for 15 minutes. THEN Oadie (the collective boyfriend of my faux family here in Melbourne) impulse bought a Border Collie puppy. He is like a tiny little bear. My head needs a rest from the urge to smaggle them all to death. 

 

Lady loathes…

* Spring teasing me. It’s mid-September. Why do I still need to wear gloves outside?

* That lame ad for that stupid ‘smart key’ car and the idiot actor spruking it. ‘The smart key is great. It unlocks the door while it’s still in my pocket, one less thing for me to think about’. Since when does taking your keys out of your pocket and unlocking a door require any extra brain power? How lazy are we getting?

* People speaking to me like I am an idiot. For example – 

Teacher – Where’s John?

Lady Smaggle – Who?

Teacher – John! The new kid John.

Lady Smaggle – There’s no John in this class. 

Teacher – Yes there is. (Speaking reeeeeaaaallly sloooooowly) John Brown. Where is he?

Lady Smaggle – (Speaking reeeeaaaallly sloooooowly back) He is not in this class. 

As it turns out, he wasn’t in the class. Der.

* Bad gym class instructors. Had a doozy tonight. She kept stopping and losing her place. Plus she seemed more intent on looking at herself in the mirror than actually teaching the class. 

What about you scrumptious bum? Share come yummies and yuckies today?

Love Lady Smaggle

xxx

P.S Late addition to Lady’s loves – 50 Sluttiest American Apparel Ads of all time.