A wee little while ago Sarah Von from Yes and Yes suggested that we ‘cross-pollinate’ on our blogs. Dirty. Obviously I couldn’t refuse. I’m over at Yes and Yes spreading my seed today so do go and visit… and stay and read the whole damn thing because Miss Von is a genius. She has fab tips on productivity, postivity and general joy and sunshine. You’ll love her! Oh and I JUST received her super awesome calendar in the mail and it’s flippin’ sweet. Meanwhile here is a guest post that she wrote for yours truly… do we feel special yet? I think SO…
A Story About A Melt Down:
Last year, I spent three months backpacking around South America. I left America with half-hearted assurance that I’d have a job when I returned and a shaky relationship with my long-term boyfriend. We’d been together for two and a half years and were quickly reaching that ‘break up or get married’ stage. The Boyfriend headed back to America after six weeks and I stayed in Peru, sorting out my feelings about him, my job and my life back in America.
April rolled around and I found myself trapped in a mountain town in Peru, unhappily single, facing the prospect of returning to no job, no apartment and no partner. Instead of hiking glaciers or patting llamas, I stalked the streets of Huaraz stuck inside my head, wondering how I’d managed to make such a mess of my life.
Seriously? Just writing about that time in my life makes me break a sweat.
But despite the rather epic problems that were facing me, I clung (rather desperately) to the belief that there’s a solution to nearly every problem. Maybe I wouldn’t like the solution. Maybe I wouldn’t feel ready to take the steps necessary to reach that solution, but a solution was out there.
And here is how I managed to stop freaking out, calm down and find the solutions to (what felt like) the many, many problems in my life: I made a list.
I drew a line down the middle of my paper and began bullet pointing all of the problems in my life at that time.
* Might not have a job to go back to
* Don’t have an apartment to go back to
* Not sure if I can afford my own place
* Spent all my money traveling
* Completely ruined by this break up
And then to the right of each bullet point, I began listing all of the ways I could solve these problems. I listed realistic, probable solutions. Ridiculous solutions. Things that would work but I was afraid to do. Anything that I thought would help.
*Might not have a job to go back to
1. Start job hunting online right now
2. Update resume
3. See if any friends know about jobs
4. Get a temp job
5. Waitress at The Lexington
6. Screw America, just move to Japan from Peru
7. Move back in with parents
Even just writing down all of these options calmed me immensely. Realistically, I knew that where there’s the proverbial will there’s a way, but for me – and I think for most people – when you’re crushed and wound up and depressed your mind just runs in circles of ever increasing anxiety, in which all roads lead to a van down by the river. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcR7hr4LLQg) It’s important to acknowledge the choices that we have, even if we’re unsure that we want to make them.
How do you deal when you’re having a melt down?
16 Comments
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Great advice, I am so guilty of building up things in my head and amassing all of my issues into one big freak-the-fuck-out… I will be trying this method next time.. ?
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Oh my god, I actually did exactly this back ten years ago, almost to the day. Not the getting stuck in Peru bit, but writing down all the possible solutions to my messed up life. It really does give you some perspective and clarity.
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I love this post, and it’s come at such a good time for me.
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I’m feeling point 6. How awesome would it be to just go and do that?
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I’d like to say that I deal with my (many and re-occuring) breakdows with something uplifiting, grown-up or sensible; but that would be lying. And jebus says that that is a sin apparently.
So, the horrible truth?
1) I eat. I’m not talking “Oh, whoops, I’m stressed and I ate a Mars Bar.” here ladies. I’m talking “Yes, I just ordered two large pizzas drowinging in artery-clogging cheese, a ten pack of chicken kickers and liters of coke from Dominos. Yes, I do intend to eat it in one sitting, un-aided by you. And bitch, if you look at my food like that again I will gut you like a fish!”
2) I talk about my problems to anyone and everyone. It’s like this scene in Buffy where she nearly stakes the bitchy girl Cordelia, thinking she’s a vampire, and then Cordelia looks really annoyed and says “EXCUSE ME; I have to go and call everyone I have EVER met!” I’m sure it depresses people or pisses them of royally – but it makes me feel better.
Huzzah for cross-polenating!
Xx
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I love the inclusion of the ridiculous or unrealistic solutions, as well as the ones that scare us. It’s so hard to write those down and “admit them,” but they’re just as feasible as the realistic and easier solutions.
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This is so fantastic. Sarah has amazing courage.
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Although I haven’t gone through something quite as intense as this, I too find that making lists helps me through stressful times. I’ve been dealing with a lot of job insecurity lately (as have many people) and I’ve found that making lists with plans for what to do help me calm down a lot.
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Oh Sarah Von, I had no idea exactly how rough that time was for you. Whenever the world is imploding on me, my solutions are far less constructive and solutioney than yours (mainly wallow, cry, wallow some more). Great advice, yet again.
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I’m a list maker too. It really is calming to think through the different options in front of you (or just outside your peripheral vision, whatever). Knowing you have options and that yes, you will survive this horrible *event* (insert: breakup, not getting into the right law school, missing X-mas at home, not having a job, or other disastrous event) is sometimes all you need.
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“But despite the rather epic problems that were facing me, I clung (rather desperately) to the belief that there’s a solution to nearly every problem. Maybe I wouldn’t like the solution. Maybe I wouldn’t feel ready to take the steps necessary to reach that solution, but a solution was out there.”
This is key. And honestly, you don’t know which solution will work until you’re brave enough to try. And sitting there doing nothing won’t help. I really needed this today. Thanks.
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Ah yes, there is nothing more soothing than a nicely organized list of possibilities looking back at you. If I don’t write them down, I annoy my boyfriend by saying my list out loud, which also works.
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Lala – I am the QUEEN of the list. Also of the freak out…
Lisa D – Sarah V rocks.
Grant – Oh totally. I want nothing more than to be a ‘oh I’m so stressed I just lost 6 kilos’ type of person unfortately it’s more of a ‘oh I’m so stressed and now I’m pregnant with a baby hippo’.
Kate – Totally. Sometimes I just want to start fresh in a whole new country.
Gene – She is totally going to be my new blog bitch.
Ashe Mischief – I know! I love the unrealistic ones. Mine often invlove just jumping on a plane with a credit card and nothing else.
Diana – Me too! I write a list every single day. I have a day to a page moleskine for next year. So excited!
Erin – I try to wallow but I feel like it is SUCH a waste of time. I can only give it like 5 minutes before I have to do something constructive.
AC – Also thinking that in the future you’ll back on this and it won’t seem so bad.
April – Yay! So very glad that I cross pollinated!
Luana – Ha! Me too! I’ll start saying stuff and Mr Smaggle will be all ‘Do you REALLY need to plan this RIGHT now?’. Drives him nuts.
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This is a fantastic post! I love Miss Von and her blog! My method of dealing with a meltdown is to take control of the things that I can: exercise, drinking enough water, doing work on a project, applying for things.
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Wonderful post! I’m not exactly in the middle of a breakdown but I don’t really know where I want to be going right now, and I’m going to use this to help me figure it out.
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La Historiadora – Me too. I’m HUGE on the exercise. Cleaning also helps…
Kylie – Awesome. Good luck on your new path!
