Currently I’m sitting on Mr Smaggle’s slightly uncomfortable leather couch watching ‘Never Been Kissed‘ on TV. There’s this scene where Drew Barrymore is all ‘Oh my god, it’s all about horse shoes this season!’ but clearly it’s all about Baby G watches, one of which she is sporting in pale pink. In year 7, only the COOLEST girls had Baby Gs and for some reason I never managed to get my hands on one. Thank god. They are bloody ugly. This got me thinking about all the other ‘super cool’ fashion items that I needed so badly when I was 14 and I now thank my lucky stars that I never wasted my money on them because, quite frankly, they are awful. If it wasn’t for the Spice Girls, 1990’s Australian culture and the bitches who smoked at the bus stop in the mornings I may never have developed a psychotic obsession with the following items…
* A Baby G watch.
* A pair of Dache Tensile jeans. You know those awful, thin, soft, static, pale blue jeans that everyone was wearing in 1996?
* Hair jewels. The ones that had little clips and you stuck them all over your hair, usually at parties but especially at the formal.
* Cargo pants. And a white singlet. Actually camo pants were better.
* Mickey Mouse platform shoes. They were these weird Spice Girl endorsed bubbly shoes with mickey ears on them. Really weird.
* A purple Billabong backpack.
* A Bananas in Pyjamas pencil tin. For my non-Aussie readers, this is a kids TV show that’s kind of lame and for some reason it was cool to sport merchandise from the show circa 1997. I have no idea why but it didn’t stop me hankering after a branded pencil tin.
* Tattoo jewellery. Those stretchy bands made from dark, woven fishing line and when you wore them around you neck or arm they looked like tattoos?
* Dead straight hair, slicked back into a tight ponytail with two strands on either side of my face slapped down with crunchy hair gel.
How about you chickens? What got your toes curling at the tender age of 14? What hideous clothing item had you foaming at the mouth?
Love Lady Smaggle
xxx