I’m one of those adults that is delightfully horrified whenever people use the c-word around me. I rarely, if ever, use the word myself so it’s almost like a naughty and illegal treat when it pops up in conversation.
I can remember with frightening accuracy the day my mother told me about the c-word. I was about 6 at the time and attending a pretty rough primary school. Swear words were bandied about fairly casually on the playground so I was familiar with the usual suspects. I knew ‘fuck’ was pretty bad although at that stage I thought ‘fuck’ meant ‘punch’, which ensured some pretty hilarious playground banter when I kept offering to pleasure everyone sexually when I was really offering to beat the shit out of them. Grade one was pretty confusing. So I turned to my mother for advice.
I was hanging out in her bathroom sniffing this amazing tub of Neutrimedics apricot face oil, which was like crack for a 6-year-old and I casually asked my mum what the worst swear word is. Like ever in the history of the world. I planned to wow the boys on the playground the next day with my superior oral filth. She calmly replied ‘Well the f-word is pretty bad but the c-word is worse. Do you know the c-word? It has four letters and is waaaaay worse than the f-word. So don’t you ever say it because it’s horrible.‘
Did I know the c-word? Shit yes, I knew the c-word but until this moment I was unaware of the power it held. I felt dangerous in possesion of this new found knowledge. I strutted across the playground the next morning armed and ready for the verbal victory of a life time. One of the boys shouted ‘Hey Carly! Wanna fuck me?‘ followed by raucous laughter. I gave him a smug look and retorted with the utmost confidence ‘No! Because you… are CRAP!‘ and I strutted away leaving my burn victims in my wake. Take that motherfuckers.
It was a few months later that I asked my mum what c*nt means. She was slightly shocked that I didn’t know and also quite shocked that her 6-year-old just casually dropped the c-bomb at her. I’d seemed very knowledgable when we’d had our previous c*nt coversation so naturally she was a little confused. She gently asked me what I thought the four letter c-word was. I was like, bitch please. You are so not tricking me into saying it. She suggested that I spell it. C-R-A-P. Then it happened. That whisper of a smile that sped across her face and disappeared just as quickly. That smile that makes you blithely aware that you’ve fucked up big time and your family is going to be laughing about this well into your adult life.
And that’s how I learned that the four letter c-word is not ‘crap’. Somewhere along the way I also learned that ‘fuck’ does not mean ‘punch’. The world made heaps more sense after these revelations.
When did you first discover swearing? Do you remember the first time you used a swear word? Or figured out what they meant?