read this article last year and it said that Brits apologise up to 8 times per day. I can only assume that the stats are similar in Australia but how insane is that? Think about it this way. You HAVE to apologise for eight different things today – what are they going to be? I’m assuming you’re not planning on running over any puppies or stealing your co-worker’s identity so what could possibly warrant EIGHT apologies throughout the course of a single day? We need to get off the Sorry Wagon and start owning our decisions and exercise our rights as functioning humans. I do declare that these are the first things you need to stop apologising for.
Saying no to social engagements
You don’t have to drop everything and run to the pub every time a friend calls you, you don’t have to go to six baby showers every month and you sure as hell don’t have to go to every single work event that the social club organises in your office. You don’t even need to make up an excuse. A simple ‘I can’t make it.‘ is very effective. If you throw a ‘sorry’ in there, people will start to question you. Don’t give them an option. Say no, don’t say sorry.
Prioritising your health
I had dinner with a friend recently and she was really apologetic that she couldn’t have a glass of wine with me because she was running a 10km race the next day. Dude. Apologising for not drinking, not eating unhealthy food, not coming to Tuesday night trivia because you have boot camp in the morning is ludicrous. Own it. ‘I can’t do drinks on Wednesday, I’ve got training.’ If your excuse was ‘I’m visiting my sick mother in hospital.’ no one would question it. It’s not up to your peers to validate your choices. Validate them yourself.
Your achievements
It doesn’t matter if you were the only one who qualified for a promotion in your office, if you got a promotion that’s rad and you shouldn’t belittle the achievement. If you do something awesome, don’t try to down play it. We have serious tall poppy issues in Australia and a lot of that stems from the fact that we tend to make light of achievements and fail to celebrate our wins appropriately. Don’t apologise for being awesome. It wasn’t a mistake.
Focussing on your career
Work life balance is obviously very important but if you’re particularly career focussed there are going to be people who are going to make you feel guilty for that. Johnny Depp says ‘Never complain, never explain.‘. If you choose your career, choose it and stop apologising for it. I had a meeting with a client the other day and her secretary warned me that ‘she’s very career focussed’ as if she was telling me she had genital warts or something. Fuck that. ‘Career focussed’ people end up being the Sara Blakelys, the Steve Jobs and the Marissa Mayers of the world and I’d bet good money that they’ve never apologised for working late on a Friday night.
Disagreeing with people
Never apologise for having a different opinion. Just start your argument with ‘I believe…’ or ‘I think…’, no apology necessary.
The way you look
Humans are living organisms just like trees. Sometimes trees look full and green and sometimes when the weather is being unpredictable trees can shed their leaves and then they look different. It is extremely unusual for any living, breathing being to look the same all the time, yet for some reason there’s an unrealistic expectation for humans to look the very best they’ve ever looked, every single day. It’s stupid. As a human creature you will get tired, sick, you will get bigger and smaller and your skin and hair will change. We are products of lifestyle, circumstance and our environment, most of which is totally out of our control. Stop apologising for it. On a tired day, you’re simply a tree that’s been blown around by unexpected gale force winds and who’s fault is that? No ones.
Spending money on things you love
I once worked with this guy who came running into the office one day to show me this limited edition chess set he’d bought that was based around a video game he loved. It cost him $1500 and he’d saved up for months for it. Another guy in the department kept saying ‘$1500??? What a rip off!’ until this guy felt so embarrassed about his purchase that he stopped talking about it. That’s crap. It’s your money, you spend it however you like and you don’t apologise for it. If you want to spend your Christmas bonus on limited edition Star Wars memorabilia or a solid gold coffee mug, go for it. And tell everyone else to get stuffed.
Feeling things
If you’re feeling sad, angry, happy or silly there’s no need to explain why. Ever. If you’re crying, there’s definitely no need to apologise for that. It’s like saying ‘I’m so sorry I’m functioning in the way that a human being is supposed to with fluctuating emotions, empathy and a sense of justice.’ You also don’t need to apologise for not showing emotions. I used to be embarrassed that I was the only one at every funeral I’ve been to that wasn’t sobbing into a handy pack of tissues but I’m not apologising for it. I don’t cry in public. Deal with it.
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What do you need to stop apologising for?
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P.S Did you know there’s a Smaggle newsletter? And Smags on Facebook? There’s lots of cool shit in both places so make sure you go to there.
P.P.S This post was originally published in 2014 but has since been updated.