A few weeks ago I wrote a post called Things You Apparently Shouldn’t Say To Someone Who Just Got Engaged. A writer friend of mine sent me through a rebuttal of things you REALLY shouldn’t say to someone who just got engaged and because she’s fabulous and I love a debate I thought I’d bung it up here for you gorgeous folk. Enjoy!
My boyfriend proposed when we were on holidays last September. While we were travelling we kept it between just the two of us, an exciting little secret inside our holiday cocoon. When we did get home and started calling everyone, one recently married friend said to me get ready for lots of squealing and never having another conversation without lots of wedding questions.
At the time I had no idea just how right she was. The squealing was certainly an initial phase that has since worn off, but the questions just keep coming… and coming. Don’t get me wrong, I am absolutely happy to talk about how he proposed and answer questions like how long we’ve been together. I’m happy to show off my bling and discuss the pros and cons of strapless wedding dresses.
But believe me, there really are some things you just shouldn’t say to someone who just got engaged. I’m not a shy person and am hardly backwards in coming forward, but some of the comments I’ve received really have left me speechless. Here’s some of the pearlers I’ve experienced the last couple of months.
Things You Really, Really Shouldn’t Say to Someone Who Just Got Engaged
“Well it’s about time, he does move at a glacial pace.”
This was one of the first comments I received from a relative when we called with the news. There’s really no way to respond to a comment like this without sounding like a passive, desperate needy woman who’s been waiting around waiting for a proposal.
“I guess you are at that age.”
Why yes, now that I’ve turned 30 I got engaged just because the time was right. It has nothing to do with love and commitment, it’s just because I don’t want to be 30 and alooneeeeeeeee, wearing my pyjamas and drinking vodka from the bottle singing, All By Myself Bridget Jones style.
“I didn’t see anything on Facebook.”
This one has been said to me in an accusatory, almost disbelieving tone like you’re not really engaged until it’s FB official. I know a lot of people announce their engagement on Facebook and I’m totally cool with that, in fact I love to see people’s photos and share in their excitement. Word to the wise though, FB announcements are definitely not compulsory. Four months on we still haven’t done the Facebook thing and we likely never will. But I promise you, the wedding will still be real even if it’s not announced as a “Life event” to my 500 nearest and dearest FB aquaintances.
“I knew it, I totally knew he was going to propose, just sayin.'”
I got this comment as the first response when I told someone we’d gotten engaged. It really took the wind out of my sails, like I’d just told this person that the sun rises each morning… just a big fat no shit Sherlock response. I mean would it have hurt them to just shut their face and smile and say congrats?
“Is there any other reason you got engaged?”
For a while there when we first got engaged I was in lala land about how much time, planning and money goes into a wedding, so I thought we’d get married pretty quickly after we got engaged. This led to some unfounded speculation about ulterior motives for a fast wedding. Just like asking someone when they’re due when you’re not certain they are pregnant, you should never, ever assume someone is getting married cause they are up the duff. I’m amazed I even had to type that sentence, but here we are.
“It takes a village to plan a wedding.”
Gettting engaged is an exciting time. At first you think it’s going to be a personal time for the two of you to plan out your wedding day… then two days later you laugh and laugh and laugh that you ever thought that was the case. Every person you’ve ever met will feel that it’s appropriate to give their opinion on everything from the engagement ring right down to the colour scheme you should have for your big day.
My advice to anyone who has just gotten engaged? Turn up the dial on your sense of humour and take everything with a big sack full of salt… or a stiff drink. Block out the white noise and hold on to that glow.
What’s the worst/weirdest thing anyone has ever said to you?
Fiona Dolan lives and works in Canberra, but is one of the five people there who aren’t actually public servants. She’s a couch enthusiast and an avid consumer of coffee and wine. If you’re looking for her at a party, she’ll be the one wearing bright lipstick and giggling at her own dad jokes. You can find her on Twitter and Instagram @fionaldolan.
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