Askmen
Have you ever had an inexplicable crush on an ‘ugly’ guy? Browny and I were getting coffee yesterday and my ugly crush (who has been my ugly crush for around 5 or 6 years now) approached me and started deconstructing my outfit with the most lyrical of poetry. On Wednesday he had described me as a bad-arse Jet from the West Side when I was wearing my leather jacket and aviators. Yesterday he described me as a charming, floaty love-child and said that he was anamoured of the way that I was travelling through the ages with my sartorial expertise. Swoon. I garbled some lame reply and as he sauntered off Browny said ‘He is TOTALLY your boyfriend!’*. Allow me to describe my crush… He is mid-thirties, balding, short, slightly tubby and bares a striking resemblance to Philip Seymour Hoffman (who by the way is my celebrity ugly crush). He smokes like a chimney, has an almost irritating arrogance about him and he’s as sexy as hell. Go figure.
I must admit I’ve never really been into the whole ‘handsome’ thing. I think Brad Pitt is boring looking and the actor I most want to shag is Giovanni Ribisi. One of Mr Smaggle’s best mates is utterly gorgeous. He looks like a movie star that bred with a Ken doll and then had plastic surgery. When he goes out in public he leaves in his wake tangled piles of women who have literally fainted at the mere sight of him. And I’m totally fine around him. Completely – in fact I kind of forget that he so hot until we go out for dinner and waitresses give him free stuff and the perpetual cloud of giggly teenaged girls forms behind us and follows us around the city. I’m totally immune to his chiseled features and boyish charm. But for some strange reason my short, furry and funny crush is the one that makes my knees go weak… theoretically of course. I really only have eyes for Mr Smaggle. Who incidentally is tall, slim, blonde and ethereal looking. Like a Grecian statue. Sigh! I do love a long and lean boy. None of this Mr Muscles Beef-Cake stuff for me.
I do love how people are attracted to such different features. Mama Smaggle is a tall, dark and handsome woman all the way – Just like Daddy Smaggle. I’ve always liked my men tall, slim and pretty. My friend Na likes hers mysterious and shaggy with the face of Orlando Bloom. My mate Az likes pretty brunettes who wear glasses and he has a strange attraction towards petite pregnant women… anyway…
Over to you ladies! Or gents… Have you had an ‘ugly’ crush? Or have you dated someone a little less than average in the looks department that still managed to ravage you with sexual desire? Do you have a celebrity ugly crush? Do you have an unusual feature that you desire in your ultimate partner? Come on! Share your fetish for the wierd, wacky, wonderfully strange looking people who are lip bitingly, toe-curlingly sexy…
Oh and check out this post at Coilhouse – 10 Most Preternaturally Beautiful Men
Yes please… I’ll take a four-some with Adrian Brody, Tim Curry and my dear Philip…
Love Lady Smaggle
xxx
*A ‘boyfriend’ for us is generally any slightly awkward boy that we encounter at work. We then immediately brand him as being one of our boyfriends and gleefully tease each other about it for the remainder of the day. There are a couple of regulars like the DHL Guy who is Browny’s boyfriend and the Admin Guy who is my boyfriend but generally they’re strangers. It’s a fun game and I suggest you all start playing…