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The 7 Secrets Of Charming People

The 7 Secrets Of Charming People
Carly Jacobs

t’s difficult to break down exactly what the magic formula is for being a charming person. Charming people are everywhere, I personally meet them all the time. They’re all different. Some are very boisterous and extroverted while others are quieter and tend to work their magic in more subtle ways. I’ve noticed that there are a few things that all charming people do, almost without exception, so I whipped them into a lovely little list for us all use because the world can always use a bit more charm don’t you think?


1. They ask people questions and listen to their replies

Charming people are always good listeners and when they ask a question, they are genuinely interested in the person’s reply. They’ll often ask additional questions and add insightful comments to the conversation as well. A charming person will never talk for 45 minutes non-stop about their super cool new training program at the gym or ask someone a question and then walk away in the middle of their answer.

2. They’re generous with compliments

Charming people will find a way to compliment everyone. They might say how much they enjoyed the brownies that you made or say how much the colour of your shirt suits you. A charming person spreads the love and can find something lovely to say about everyone.

3. They are positive with both their actions and their words

There’s nothing negative about charming people and you won’t hear them saying anything bad about anyone else. If it starts to rain at an outdoor party, a charming person will laugh and help the hosts move everything inside. A charming person would never grumble about their ruined hair or wet shoes in a situation like that.

4. They remember your name

It takes a bit of effort to remember a person’s name and that’s why it’s so pleasing when someone gets it right. Charming people will take the time to engage with a person they’ve just met and make sure they remember their name for next time. If a charming person happens to forget your name, they’ll be so apologetic about it that you’ll hardly even notice.

5. They engage with introverts

A true charmer will never allow another person to have a miserable time at a party or a gathering. A charming person will approach people who don’t appear to be involved a conversation and will have a casual chat to them. A charming person would never ignore someone else at a party, even if they’re an introvert themselves.

6. In conversations, they make someone else the hero

Charming people lift other people up. A charming person would never dominate a conversation by talking about themselves. They’d say something like ‘Oh hey Sarah! You have to tell everyone about that amazing guy you met when you were in Africa!’. Charming people facilitate conversation, rather than dominate it.

7. They make everyone around them feel comfortable

A charming person will never let a conversation steer into negative territory. They’ll notice if someone is feeling nervous and will help to make them feel more at ease. They’ll grab a plate of food and work the room, chatting to the guests and getting to know everyone. There’s no such thing as awkward when a charming person is around.

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou. 

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What do you think makes someone charming? Who was the last truly charming person you met?


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  1. chrisatpb 8 years ago

    Maybe the secret is that to be truly charming, it must be natural, not forced or faked. Can a person learn to be charming? Probably, but to be naturally, effortlessly charming is a true gift.xx

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 8 years ago

      Oh definitely! I do think it’s a natural thing but I think you can certainly improve on it.

  2. Alix 8 years ago

    I think you can definitely learn to be charming – or maybe it’s just improving your social skills. Having sat next to someone recently who droned about themselves for an hour without asking me a single question, I would love them to read this list and think “hmmm, maybe I should try one of these”.

    But I agree – if it comes to you naturally, it’s a gift!

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 8 years ago

      I think it’s also just a matter of social awareness and figuring out if you’re making people feel comfortable or uncomfortable. I swear most people have no awareness at all – that person sounds awful.

  3. This Kathryn Girl 8 years ago

    I think someone is charming when they light up a room. They don’t have to be extroverted at all; just relatable and sparkling! People love to be around them because their focus seems to be other people. Love this post! I will remember these as my goals. <3

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 8 years ago

      Oh definitely it’s not about being out there or the centre of attention it’s mainly about making other people feel good.

  4. Erin 8 years ago

    I love this… I married a person just like this and he is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. The struggle for me is, when we socialise, he’s off charming everyone else and I’m left to fend for myself. Think I need to find some “charming” qualities to spread around for myself.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 8 years ago

      Oh definitely – you don’t have be out there to be charming – you can do it in your own quieter way.

  5. Oh dear, I am terrible with names, I still hope I am charming to a degree, I mean I cover the other bases. I am by nature a “chatty” person so I talk to everyone, perhaps a bit much sometimes.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 8 years ago

      I think chatty is good! I love it when I sit next to someone who’s not afraid to chat.

  6. You’re spot on with this analysis Carly. I’ve met a few people with all of these traits and they have been lovely people. I like to try and make people feel good too, but I’m always worried I’ll say the wrong thing hahahaha

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 8 years ago

      Oh lord story of my life! I’m a serial foot in mouther – it’s not good. Thankfully I’m pretty good at digging my way out again.

  7. merilyn 8 years ago

    i think this is an excellent list thanks smags!
    I really do try to apply these things!
    many people tell me i’m charming! … i’m modest!;))
    I like to encourage people as there are enough knockers in the world!
    lol m:)X

  8. Kathryn 8 years ago

    In #5, do you mean introverts or shy people? I’m an introvert and am happy not to be engaged with most of the time whereas often shy people want to be involved but aren’t sure how to go about it.

    One thing I think is common to most charming people I know is that they can create intimacy really quickly. Not in a bad way 😉 but bonding with others like within a few meetings they give you a nickname or have an inside joke.

    • Author
      Carly Jacobs 8 years ago

      If someone is sitting alone not talking to anyone I can’t tell if it’s by choice or not so I always try to engage people. Shy and introverted people look the same. I love the comparison of intimacy – that’s totally it! When you meet someone and you immediately feel like you’ve been mates with them forever.


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