I went shopping yesterday. At a mall. That was my first mistake. Here are a few facts that made me chuck the biggest shopping tanty that I have had in a long time…
* Everything sparkles. Even things that shouldn’t. Like tracksuit pants and leather bags. Why must everything SPARKLE??? I’m not against a bit of glitter and I must admit I am bit of a diamante fiend but I would love to buy a plain t-shirt or a pair of jeans that doesn’t have that fine sheen of glitter that appears to be mandatory these days.
* Everything is ambiguous. I’m talking about those weird floaty garments that are either long tops or short dresses and no one seems to able to tell which. Are they supposed to be both? Is that even possible?
* Children are mini adults. I saw these 8 year olds in Valley Girl yesterday (I wasn’t shopping there… I was… doing a survey…) and they were terrifying. They were all wearing high heels and make up and the ring leader was grabbing hangers of the rack and flinging them at her friends saying ‘Oh my god this is so you!’ and ‘Mischa Barton has a dress JUST LIKE THIS!’ I wanted to hold guns to their heads make them wear shorts and t-shirts and force them to build a cubby house and rub mud in their hair. I sincerely hope they were only playing up their behaviour because if they weren’t their parents have a lot to answer for.
* Shop assistants have no people skills. Okay I understand that it is their job to ask how I am and if I need any help with anything. Asking me once is fine. Any more than once (and by that I mean twice) I get so damn irritated that I usually leave the store in disgust. All I want is a ‘Hi how’s your day going?’ to which to I reply ‘Good thanks and you?’ and she says ‘Yeah not too bad, just give me a yell if you need a hand with anything’ and then I say ‘Thanks’. We then ignore each other until purchase time. I do not need a ‘Hi can I help you there?’, ‘Is there anything I can help you with?’, ‘Can I help you with anything in particular today?’ every thirty seconds while I am in the store. I also don’t need 15 year olds to call me ‘sweetie’. Or ‘babe’. And I hate it when they follow me around and comment on everything I pick up like it’s the coolest thing on earth. Just chill okay? If I like it I’ll buy it and if I don’t I’ll take it and shove it up your nose. That’s what you get for annoying me while I am trying to shop.
* There are never enough toilets. And there is always one woman who seems to think that she is immune to the toilet que system. Usually women over the age 75 and women with babies.
Anyone else care to share a shopping rant? It helps to talk it through…