I went to a party a few months ago where I barely knew anyone. I found myself sitting next to this rather obnoxious girl who was mid-way through a conversation about her house renovations that was boring me senseless. Until she said quite loudly that her and her boyfriend had been having sex that morning at 6am and were disturbed by the plumber knocking on the door. The way she casually threw this little anecdote into an unrelated story, for some reason made me think that she was lying. I’m honestly not in the habit of reverse engineering whether or not people are telling porky pies, nor am I in the habit of caring very much about the sex lives of others but please indulge me for a moment as I deconstruct her story point by point. Just for shits and giggles.

It Was A Weekday. And It Was 6am.

I’m sorry but nuh-uh. If she was saying 9am and it was a weekend then fine but pre-dawn nookie on a work day? Who is she is trying to kid? Firstly, most people barely have time to eat breakfast before work, let alone indulge in coitus. Secondly, she may be up for it first thing in the morning but what’s to say both of them are? What’s to say they’re both awake at that time? What’s to say they’re both morning people? There’s a variety of logistics to consider here people. Honestly, I even could have believed an 8am shag if they had a spare 15 minutes before they had to catch the train but 6am? Nah. Not buying it.

The Relationship Was Well Established.

To emphasis how hot this girl and her man were for each other she kept insisting that they’d been together for ages. IF they were in the honeymoon phase of their relationship then 6am sex is slightly more plausible but after 3 years… probably not.

Both Participants Were 9 to 5-ers

I can accept 6am sex from shift workers, people suffering from jet lag, maybe people who are self-employed and work weird hours or people who were still awake from the night before but if she’s keeping the same hours as the majority of the working world, I fail to see how this 6am shag could have eventuated.

I’m basing most of this post on the fact that I don’t believe I’ve ever had sex at 6am in my entire life… or done anything at 6am other than sleep, attend a spin class or catch a cab to the airport. Is this really a thing that people do? The girl in question was most definitely lying (mainly because everything that fell out of her mouth was utter BS) but it did make me consider the fact that there may be this before work sex club that I didn’t even know existed.

I’d love your thoughts on this. Today’s survey consists of one question only. Have you ever, under no special or extraordinary circumstances, woken up at 6am and had sex before you went to work on a weekday? Drugs, new relationships, one night stands, shift work, unemployment, jet lag, hangovers, affairs, honeymoon phases, trying to get pregnant or insomnia don’t count. I’m talking about waking up to your blaring alarm and being like BANG! SEX! GO!

All answers are completely confidential but I will publish the results in graph form. Or perhaps in a pie chart.

Feel free to comment as well.

Disclaimer: I’m not judging people who have early morning sex, I’m just outraged in the same way as when you go to someone else’s house and they use a different type of kitchen cleaning cloth than you and you’re all ‘WTF??? You ANIMAL!!!’.