’m starting this post with a very big confession and I’m pretty embarrassed about it to be honest. I used to be a social smoker. I absolutely hate that about myself because I live an extraordinarily clean life. I don’t do drugs, I’m not a problem drinker, I exercise daily and I spend my life encouraging people to lead healthy, whole and happy lives but since I was about 18 years old, up until a year ago, I’d have a couple of cigarettes most months. Sometimes I’d have none in a month and sometimes I’d have ten but it was pretty regular and if I was having a few drinks with friends, eventually I’d end up bumming one… or two… or three.
I never bought them, I never smoked during the day and I never smoked at any of my jobs or in front of my family or my partner. It was a sneaky thing I did and I liked the thrill of hiding it from people, tip toeing around so no one would see me. It’s been a full year since I had a cigarette and quitting is the best thing I’ve ever done. Here’s how I quit social smoking.
1. I admitted I was a smoker
I always said ‘I’m not a real smoker, I just smoke on weekends.’ or ‘I’m not a real smoker, I only smoke when I’m doing theatre shows.’ One of my friends said to me a few years ago that I actually was a smoker and I was I like ‘Ew! I am not!’ but she was dead right. I was a smoker. If you smoke with any kind of regularity, you’re a smoker. If I didn’t admit it to myself, I never would have quit. I hate saying it because it’s gross but I was smoker. It’s pretty cool now that I get to say ‘was’ and that’s what I focus on.
2. I avoided smokers for a very long time
I have a close friend who smokes and I had to stop spending time with her for the first few months that I was trying to quit. It was hard but I couldn’t hang out with her while she was smoking and not be tempted. We ended up not drinking together and going for power walks instead which was great – we got to catch up, we both drank less alcohol and I didn’t have to sit there being tempted while she smoked. I can happily catch up with her now for a drink and not be tempted but it was crucial in those first few months to avoid situations where I might give in.
3. I stopped romanticising smoking
I never, ever smoked alone and I realised that the whole smoking thing was a bit of show for me. I used to think it was kind of dangerous and cool. I’d sneak around and try to ‘get away with it’. I stopped painting it as this weird treat and started looking at it for what it was – a really gross and incredibly harmful habit that made me feel like shit. It was a lot easier to stop doing it when I admitted that I wasn’t James Dean and that smoking actually really isn’t cool.
4. I gave myself a time limit
I gave myself a full year to go without a cigarette and then I told myself I could have one if I wanted it. It’s been a week since my no-smoke-aversary and I’m not even tempted. The thought of it gives me a headache. A year ago, the thought of never having a cigarette again felt very unachievable but after a year of abstaining, I feel very underwhelmed by the thought of smoking.
5. I did it for myself and no one else
My partner hated it when I smoked. It wasn’t often but once every few weeks I’d come home smelling like cigarettes and he hated it. Unfortunately it wasn’t enough to make me stop. It sucks to say that because I would do anything for him but I needed to make quitting about me. I needed to be disappointed in myself if I broke my vow because I could rationalise his disappointment into him being judgemental or him being too hard on me. I can’t lie to myself, so it was really important to own the decision.
6. I used the fact that I wasn’t addicted to my advantage
I was never properly addicted to smoking. I could go on a month-long holiday with my partner and not even think about it. If I happened to not hang around smokers for a few months, I just wouldn’t smoke. I never smoked unless I was drinking and I never smoked unless other people were. I wasn’t waking up and having a cigarette first thing in the morning or suffering withdrawals if I went a few days without a cigarette. I used this as my excuse for ages. I didn’t need to quit because I wasn’t addicted right? But that’s precisely why I had to quit. If I wasn’t addicted, why the hell was I doing it? Why could I go weeks without one and then automatically reach for my mate’s pack on a Saturday night at the pub? It was a silly habit that had to go and if people with pack-a-day habits could do it, so could I.
7. I looked towards my addicted friends for inspiration
I have several friends who used to be heavy smokers who have totally quit and they are my heroes. They all quit years ago and I sang their praises and told them how proud I was and then I’d sneak outside for a quick cigarette during dinner parties when they’d just been talking about it. I felt like a dick every time I had a casual cigarette in front of them and it just seemed like the best thing to do was ditch it altogether.
So that’s it. That’s how I did it. The reason why I wanted to share this story was because if I didn’t quit, I might have done it for the rest of my life which is a really, really scary thought. I always assumed I’d just casually stop one day but I never did. I had to make a decision and I had to make the effort to do it. I’m really, really glad I did.
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Do you smoke? Have you quit? Any social smokers out there thinking about quitting?
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P.S If you’re a blogger from Adelaide, and you’re stuck in your blogging journey I’d love to help you!