This post is sponsored by Problem Gambling NSW
When I got an email from my agents saying that Problem Gambling NSW wanted to work with me on their new campaign, I agreed immediately. I share quite a bit on my blog but I’m very protective of my family and I very rarely write about ‘serious’ personal stuff. I thought this was the perfect time to talk about how problem gambling has directly affected my family. My brother Ryan used to be a problem gambler. I asked Ryan if he’d mind if I used his story, anonymously of course. He said he didn’t want his story to be told anonymously because he overcame an addiction and that’s definitely something he wants to put his name to. How rad is that? Here’s a chat that I had with him about his problem gambling and how he overcame it. He’s actually quite incredible, it happened so long ago that I forgot what an achievement it is for him to refrain from giving in to his addiction. I really hope that it will help other problem gamblers face their addiction and get the help they need because it truly is possible to recover from a gambling addiction. I’ve seen it with my own eyes.
[divider type=”standard” width=”1/1″ el_position=”first last”]
When did you start gambling?
Towards the end of year 12 when I was about 18. My mates and I used to go to the club after school and we’d have a bit of a gamble. We didn’t spend much but it was a rite of passage kind of thing. It didn’t get really bad until I was an apprentice plumber when I was about 20 years old.
What was your favourite form of gambling?
Pokies at the club on weekends and then it got really bad when I was at tech. There was a club around the corner from tech and we used to go there on our lunch breaks. I also dabbled in online gambling but I kicked that habit pretty quickly, I preferred the pokies.
When did you start gambling alone?
I never actually went gambling alone but I definitely gambled alone – I always went with mates but I’d hide how much I was putting into the machines. I’d duck around a corner and play a different machine or I’d come back in half an hour with a different group of mates so the first group wouldn’t know I was about to feed another couple of hundred dollars into the pokies. At the time I was an apprentice plumber and earning about $180 a week so I didn’t have a cent to spare but I thought playing the pokies was a good way to get extra money. I had a credit card with a $500 limit and every few months the limit would get raised until it was at $6000. I’d walk across the road to get cash advances on my credit card because the club wasn’t allowed to give cash from credit cards. I’d get $500 at a time and then I’d win $2000, pay off the card, play some more, win, then lose, win, then lose. I never ended up on top but I guess that was the point.
Did you drink or do drugs at the same time as gambling?
I’d have a couple of beers because it was a social thing but I’d often play the pokies completely sober, it wasn’t about the drinking for me it was about the gambling.
When did you start to feel like it was becoming a problem?
When I was running out of money way too quickly and the interest on the credit card debt was more than I was earning per week. I was in serious trouble and I knew it. I broke down one night in my room and just cried. I knew I’d really fucked up.
What finally made you decide to seek help?
It got to a point where I couldn’t handle the financial burden and I couldn’t afford to put petrol in the car or buy food. I knew that I couldn’t get out of debt on my own and that if I didn’t get help right then it would only get worse and worse. I was only about 21 years old and I really didn’t want to start my adult life with a giant debt that I couldn’t pay off.
Where did you go to seek help?
I went to my parents and told them that I fucked up. They cut up the credit card straight away on the spot. They helped me budget to pay back my debt and they took control of my finances to make sure it got paid. My mother would take $100 per week out of $180 wage and diligently pay back the credit card debt. It took about 6 years to pay it off.
How did you stop gambling?
I stopped for 2 full years without gambling. I removed myself from the club scene for a long time and now, almost a decade later, I’ll occasionally pop $20 through the pokies if I happen to be in a club. I’m completely in control of my gambling now. My mindset has changed. I used to put $20 through the machines and think ‘I’m going to turn this into $2000.’ Now I put $20 through the machines and think ‘I’m spending $20 on some fun and enjoyment and I’m never going to see it again.’ It really stops you from running back to the ATM again and again like problem gambling does.
Did any of your friends know?
They do now, I don’t know if they knew at the time. I know one of my mates knew and used to question me and I’d try to hide it from him. I thought gambling would be a really easy way to make money but it took a while to sink in that all it did was take my money. I won $500 on the first pokie machine that I ever played and I only played for 10 minutes. I thought it was much easier to gamble than to work for a living. I was very, very wrong about that.
What would you say was the hardest thing about stopping gambling?
It was harder to tell my parents than it was to actually stop. It was humiliating having to admit that I wasted all that money. Telling my parents meant that I had to deal with it and start paying it back. The act of telling people was awful but once it was over I felt so much lighter because I could actually face the problem. I don’t even want to think about what would have happened if I didn’t tell my parents when I did because I definitely wouldn’t have stopped. I needed them to support me and supervise me while I got my life back together because I just wasn’t strong enough at that point to do it myself.
Have you ever had a relapse?
No. It’s not worth going through that again, 5 or 6 years of being in debt and paying back twice the amount I borrowed is crap. Having to pay half my pay wage every week to a useless debt and having no independence was really shit. I’d never go back to doing that again. It’s almost ten years later and I have a house, a partner and a daughter now and I would never do anything to jeopardise that. My partner is well aware of my gambling addiction and she’s also a counsellor so I’m in pretty good hands. [Note from Carly: My sister-in-law yelled out in the background that if he ever gambled them into debt, she’d rip his nuts off. Good plan.)
Any advice for problem gamblers?
Get help in any way you can. You won’t be able to do it on your own and even though it will humiliate you and make you feel like a failure at the time, every day that you don’t admit you have a problem, it’s only going to get worse. Even though it felt shit at the time, it’s the best thing I could have done.
[divider type=”standard” width=”1/1″ el_position=”first last”]
I think the main issue with gambling in Australia is that it’s widely accepted as a ‘normal’ activity and is viewed as being part of a healthy social life. Think about meeting people for drinks at registered clubs, having nights out at the casino or going to the races. This is why it’s so difficult when gambling becomes a problem. Problem gambling is defined by destructive behaviours. This could mean people spending more money than they have, neglecting their family, lying to their spouse or parents and losing their job or home. It’s estimated that only 8% to 17% of people with gambling problems seek professional help and it’s usually only when they’ve hit absolute rock bottom and are in a crisis.
It is possible to get out of gambling debt and turn your life around. I watched my brother do it. It was hard work but he did it and we’re all so proud of him. He reached a fork in the road and he had two choices and he picked the right one.
The purpose of this post is to empower problem gamblers and their families to make that first big step towards recovery. Here are a few things you can do.
1. Visit www.gamblinghelp.nsw.gov.au – (all Gambling Help services through NSW problem gambling are free)
2. Post a comment below (anonymously) and ask any questions you like and I’ll have them answered by a problem gambling professional
3. Email me hello@smaggle.com and I’ll send your question through to the NSW problem gambling social media forum where it will be answered by a problem gambling professional
Please do pass this post on to anyone who may need it. Problem gamblers really are stronger than they think and seeking help is the perfect opportunity to show everyone what they’re made of.
[divider type=”standard” width=”1/1″ el_position=”first last”]
If there’s anything you’d like to say or if you’ve got a story to share, go for it in the comments.
Talking about it is the first step.
[divider type=”standard” width=”1/1″ el_position=”first last”]