or an evolved species us humans can be pretty bloody stupid. Myself 100% included. I like to kid myself that I’m an intelligent person. I have several tertiary qualifications, I can walk around for days at a time and not fall over and I read a lot. So, you know. Gold star for me.
However I do sometimes look back on incidences in my life and wonder how I could have been so stupid. Here are a few life lessons that I learned the hard way and I’m sorry to say I wasn’t even on the turps when any of these occurred. I’ve also repeated some of these mistakes… many, many times.
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Don’t put 12 cloves of garlic in a salad
I tend to double the amount of garlic recommended in most recipes but raw garlic is very different to cooked garlic. My friend and I had garlic seeping out of our pores for at least 48 hours.
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Hummus is not a substitute for egg
I was a vegan for four days in 2011. It didn’t end well.
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Don’t use hand santiser if you’ve been scratched by a cat
It’s like rubbing chilli in your eyes. Such regret. Much pain.
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Always double check the recipient before you hit send
BMS – Before Mr Smags – I sent a text to one of my girlfriends.
‘Tonight’s the night. He’s getting full access to my lady garden.’
I then got a reply from the guy saying…
‘Sweet. I won’t bother buying you dinner then. :-)’
*facepalm*
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Don’t hold frogs too tightly
RIP Tiny Kermit friend.
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Fire is hot
I re-learn this lesson at least once a week. Note to self: Your hands are made of skin, not oven mitt.
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Don’t date guys who do musical theatre
Unless you’re impossibly gorgeous. I know quite a few women who have struck it lucky with straight chorus boys but these women dead set look like supermodels. If you look more like a brunette version of Eep from the Croods (*cough* like me *cough*) you’ll end dating a string of very charming, very lovely but extremely closeted young men. Having a gay boyfriend is fabulous for a while but pretty soon it just becomes a collosal waste of everyone’s time.
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Don’t kiss a cat when you’ve just put on lipgloss
Every time I whip out the Chapstick, I will find a cat and smooch it. Every. Single. Time.
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