had a rather unpleasant incident last week at a car racing event. I was walking up a tight set of stairs, in a packed queue to get across a bridge. There was a group of rowdy men next to me who had clearly been drinking. One said to his mate ‘Oi! Ghetto booty! 3 o’clock!’. He was referring to me. His mate checked out my arse, made some sort of a grunting noise and then continued on his way. It was disgusting. I didn’t say anything, I just ignored him and kept on walking, as did my partner. There was a girl standing next to me who whispered ‘I’d have given them a serve if I were you!’.
I thought about what this girl had said and I’m actually rather uncomfortable with the suggestion that I should have said something. There are two reasons why I didn’t.
1. A clearly intoxicated person who is making loud and rude remarks about complete strangers in public is not someone I want to get into an argument with.
2. I can’t do anything to stop him.
The men that I choose to spend my life with are decent humans because the people surrounding them have done their job. Their parents, teachers, friends, co-workers and acquaintances have worked hard to teach these guys so they know what respectful behaviour looks like.
I’ve watched my mother witness men strutting around the streets like drunken yobos and asking girls to show them their tits. I’ve seen her whip around to my brother with fire in her eyes and say ‘If you EVER speak to a woman like that, I will disown you.’. I’ve seen young men in clubs firmly remove their drunk and lascivious mates from clubs and apologise for their disgusting behaviour. I even once saw a tiny little grandma pull over on the side of the road and drag her (presumably) grandson into her car because he was loitering outside the train station and making lewd comments at women as they walked by. I’ve been that person when male students of mine have wolf whistled at girls from the school across the road. I had a young man banned from attending his own formal because he showed his penis to a group of female students.
By the time a person is verbally or physically abusing a complete stranger in the street, the victim can’t do a damn thing about it. I would have loved to have given this guy a serve but I can’t risk my safety by aggravating an intoxicated and confrontational man. He needs to hear that his behaviour is appalling from someone he respects – like his parents, siblings, mates or co-workers. To him, I was some bitch with a ghetto booty. He has been taught that I don’t matter. He can only be stopped by people who matter to him.
If you have someone you’re close to who behaves like this, it’s your job to teach them that their behaviour is appalling. It’s also your job to support people who call out behaviour like this. If you’re out at a pub and one of your mates starts hollering sexist bullshit at women and one of your other mates calls him on it, support the call out. Don’t sit there awkwardly, silently agreeing but outwardly appearing to be sitting on the fence. We need to stop rewarding this behaviour with complacency. Gendered violence is an enormous problem in Australia and the change starts in our own homes.
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