How To Cope With Unavoidable Change

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received a message from a reader this week asking for help. She’s had a lot of unavoidable changes pop up in her life recently that are very disruptive, not her choice and are causing her a lot of angst and heartache.

When I say unavoidable change I’m talking about the type of big life changes that happen that are totally out of your control and changes that you didn’t necessarily want to happen. Being fired, being evicted, being broken up with, being deported. Massive life events that you can’t avoid. Unfortunately you don’t have a lot of choice about some changes in life but you DO have a choice about how you deal with them.

Here’s how to cope with unavoidable change.

Accept that the change is unavoidable 
 
Most of the angst that comes from a huge unavoidable change occurs because you’re feeling helpless. Feeling like you don’t have any options or choices is awful but the sooner you acknowledge that the situation is out of your hands, the sooner you can move on. If there is something you can do, you should do it but if you can’t, let it go. It’s hard but the longer you dwell on your helplessness the worse the experience will be for you.
 
Take everything one day at a time 
 
If you’re experiencing a major and forced change in your life, don’t even think about changing anything else. If your partner has just ended your relationship, it might be best hold of on starting that intensive boot camp. If you’ve just been fired, you might want to postpone that night course for a while. Change makes people really busy so don’t add anything unnecessary to your schedule right now. You also need time to have emotions and feelings so don’t forget to allow for that.

 
Take control of the things you can and let of the things you can’t 
 
There are some things you can’t control. Like being evicted or getting fired but you DO have control over what you do now. You get to choose your next house, you get to choose what job you apply for next, you get to choose the direction you go in and you get to choose to leave the past in the past and move on with your bright and wonderful future. Revel in making positive choices where you can right now.
 
Look at the change as a new door opening
 
Forced change can be confusing and often hurtful but it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. If you’ve been kicked out of your house, your next one might be even better. Same goes with jobs, romantic partners and friends. Imagine the door of the past is closing and the door to your future is opening. Stop standing outside the closed door, banging on it and begging to be let back in. Look the other door in the room that is open, welcoming you inside. Not only is it the best choice, it’s the only choice. Go for it.

Think forward to a time when this won’t be a big deal anymore   

Time heals all wounds and your unceremonious break up with your partner and that horrific day when you lost your job won’t hurt forever. It may take a while but eventually you’ll be able to look back on this time and feel so grateful that you got through it. And you will get through it. It’s human nature.

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Have you ever been through an unavoidable change? How did you cope with it?

 

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