This post is sponsored by Melbourne IVF
W
hen people (mainly older women to be honest) talk to me about my biological clock ticking, I get a bit petulant. I kind of laugh and say ‘Oh I’m not even sure if I want to have kids.’and then I good naturedly sit there while they tell me that they had problems conceiving when they were only 27, so I better start thinking about starting my family. Like now. I smile and nod but in my head I’m yelling ‘You aren’t the boss of me!’. There’s just something about them raising their eyebrows at me while tapping their imaginary fertility watch, that just really pisses me off.
The thing that most annoys me about it, is that they’re right. Lots of my friends have either just had or are trying to have their first child. I’m a touch younger than most of my friends so watching this experience has been fascinating. As a teenager, I was raised to fear pregnancy more than the plague and despite the fact that I was armed with the hardcore facts of procreation from my nurse mother, I still harboured irrational fears of falling pregnant through totally safe activities like dry humping. I’d imagine the sperm wiggling its way through my boyfriends jeans and somehow finding its way to my uterus, because it was THAT EASY to fall pregnant.
As I’ve grown older and observed women in my life trying to get pregnant, I’ve realised it can actually be a really, really difficult thing to do. Even if you’re super fertile, young and healthy. Lots of my friends have suffered at least one miscarriage. I naively thought that miscarrying a baby was rare but apparently lots of women will experience this. A few of my friends have even had to have IVF in their very early 30s and one in her mid 20s. I’m totally shocked by this and it’s made me realise why I keep getting prodded about my damn biological clock. It’s because it actually IS ticking… more and more slowly each year to be exact.
There’s obviously a variety of different factors that effect whether or not a woman can have children in her 20s. Not finding the right person to do it with, wanting to travel, wanting to focus on her career, not feeling financially or emotionally prepared. All of these reasons are really valid, in fact most of them apply to me personally, but that doesn’t change the fact that the longer I wait, the harder it is to have babies.
Believe me I’m not trying to scare anyone into having children. I’m sitting very much on the fence of having children myself. Like smack bang on the fence. I literally have no opinion at all on the matter. The point I’m making is that if having children is not negotiable for you, then don’t negotiate. Honestly, if I found out that I couldn’t have children tomorrow, I’m fairly certain I would be relieved. Not because I hate the idea of having children but to have the decision made for me would be so incredibly freeing. It’s the choice that’s killing me and if I don’t make my choice sooner rather than later, I may not feel as if I’ve even made a choice. I know for a fact that if I actively wanted to have children, I would already have them by now. I’m paralysed by uncertainty.
Fertility can be a really hard issue for women to discuss, which is why I’m being so honest about my own experiences in this post.
I’ve teamed up with Melbourne IVF to open up a discussion about the effects of age and lifestyle on women’s fertility. I know it sounds weird that a fertility clinic would be all ‘Don’t wait until you need our help to have babies when you’re 40, do it when you can for the love of god! PLEASE!’ but that’s pretty much what they’re doing.
So tell me…
What’s your baby status?
Do you have kids?
How old were you when you had them?
Do you want kids?
Do you have a planned age to start trying to have a baby?
Have you had IVF?
What was your experience like?
Any words of wisdom for those of us who might be wanting children soon?
Is anyone competely undecided like I am?