ne of my favourite questions to ask people is ‘How did you find out about menstruation?’. My own experience was so deeply traumatic that I always like to check in with other people to see if my reacton was normal or completely hysterical. I think it was a combination of both.
You see, Mama Smaggle is a nurse so I got all of my sex education information in matter-of-form with absolutely no cushioning. Mama Smaggle got her period when she was just ten years old (poor poppet, I want to cry every time she tells me about it) and as a result she jumped the gun and warned me a little bit too soon about my own impending periods. I was eight years old on that fateful day, however she had little choice but to tell me then because I was a voracious and precocious reader. I’d already grabbed a Cleo magazine out of my auntie’s bag at the age of six, read an interview about a prostitute and then casually asked my mum what anal sex was and why you’d charge more for it. The poor woman was on a clock to tell me things before I read about them so it really was for the best. Here’s the incredibly distressing (for me) conversation that we had that day.
Mama Smaggle – ‘Carly do you know anything about periods?
Me – ‘No… what’s that?’
Mama Smaggle – ‘Well it’s a private thing that happens to women as part of their ovulation cycle. In order for women to have babies they need to bleed from their vaginas…’
Me – ‘VAGINAS???’
Mama Smaggle – ‘Yes, it’s not that bad. It lasts for about 5 to 7 days…’
Me – ‘DAYS??? Like actual blood coming out of me for days? Do I have to go to hospital?’
Mama Smaggle – ‘No you just use pads and tampons and get on with your day. All women do it.’
Me – ‘What do you mean all women? Like all the women I’ve ever met? They just walk around BLEEDING FROM THEIR VAGINAS as if nothing is happening?’
Mama Smaggle – ‘Yes. I’ve been doing it since I was 10.’
Me – ‘What does that even mean? Have you been bleeding this whole time?’
Mama Smaggle – ‘No it happens for 5 to 7 days one month, then it’s all over and you do again the next month.’
Me – ‘Next month??? How many months do I have to do this for???’
Mama Smaggle – ‘Every month until you’re 50…’
Me – ‘Oh my god. No. I’m not doing that. Just… no.’
Mama Smaggle – ‘The only way to really stop it is to get a hysterectomy but they don’t let little girls get them.’
Me – ‘You are joking aren’t you? This can’t be true.’
Mama Smaggle – ‘I’m sorry darling but it is true. It’s actually a good thing! It’s means you’re healthy and fertile.’
Me – ‘Do you promise you aren’t joking? It’s really mean if you’re making this up.’
Mama Smaggle – ‘You’ll get used to it, I promise!’
And you know what? I’ve actually never really gotten used to it.
After fifteen years I never, ever have my period and think ‘This is totally manageable, not all painful and doesn’t impact on my life in any way – By golly Mama Smaggle was right! I DID get used it!‘.
Mothers obviously have to tell their daughters that periods are easy to manage, otherwise we’d never leave the house again but honesty, they really are just supremely crap. I was absolutely gutted that day – I knew it sounded really bad and as it turns out, I was dead right.
I also feel really sorry for parents of daughters who have to tell them. It’s just so comically awful to have to tell a little girl that’s what’s going to happen to her. It’s not fun for anyone… but it usually makes a bloody great story. So tell me…
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How old were you when you got your period? And how did you find out about it?
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P.S – If you want more awesome discussions about lady gardens and nightmare inducing childhood memories, be sure to follow me around on the net – Facebook, Twitter, Bloglovin, Instagram, YouTube and the Smaggle weekly newsletter. Let’s be cyber buddies! Or something less 90s sounding…