Today’s rant? Picky eaters. They make me so angry. In order to pay my bills and buy pretty things I teach at special needs schools and let me tell you these kids and their freakin picky eating is giving me the right royal shits.
Take for instance the pineapple kid I came across last week. We were making pizzas in class and he didn’t want pineapple on his pizza. Fine. He made his pizza sans pineapple and was as happy as a clam. Excellent. Time to wash up. The kid ate every piece of pineapple left on every plate. Apparently he likes it by itself but not on his pizza. Get a grip! You either eat it, or you don’t. And what the hell are with his parents? And the teachers? Both pandering to his weird love/hate pineapple affair? When I was a kid you bloody well ate what you were given or you copped the wrath of Mamma Smaggle. There just wasn’t the option to not eat a certain type of food. It’s these kind of kids that grow into the adults that hate parsley and won’t even eat food that is sitting next to it. Oh and those losers that order a single meal at a restaurant while everyone else gets a banquet because they ‘don’t like the sound of chinese broccoli’.
Don’t get me wrong. Allergies and personal preferences are fine. Mr Smaggle is allergic to wheat and several of my close friends are vegetarian. Not an issue. I even have a vegetarian friend who quite happily picks the meat out of her meal and throws it to her carnivore boyfriend. Loving it. What I hate is when people flat out refuse to eat a certain food because they are being a little princess or when people are inconsistent with their likes and dislikes. I’ll be honest here, I’m not the biggest fan of carbs. We all know this, but if I go to a friends house and they make me rice I’ll damn well eat it. I also hate fruit in savoury dishes but if someone serves it to me I’ll eat it (except Mamma Smaggle. I have family immunity so I’m allowed be a fussy bitch about her revolting sultana cous cous). Unless the offending food item is going to make you break out in hives or need an adrenalin shot, quit being a pussy and eat the damn thing. Oh and what about those people who harp on and on about how much they hate marzipan and then one day you catch them eating a butt load of it? Food hypocrisy makes my brain hurt in bad places.
That brings me to my next point. Smug vegans. Two words for you – BLOW GOATS. I used to work with a lovely Vegan lady who very quietly ate her virtuous cruelty free diet while the rest of us carnivores feasted on the fluffy cuteness of our four-legged friends. Upon meeting her partner (also Vegan) I quizzed him on the nature of his diet in a very respectful and interested way. ‘May I ask why you follow a Vegan diet? I’m just curious because it’s such a big commitment and it must be very difficult at times.’ I asked in all my wide eyed innocence. Just as I was a lifting a forkful of Thai beef to my lips he replied ‘Well it’s really just my moral standing. You see, I liken eating meat to punching a baby in the face’. I’m sure he intended for me for me to feel shameful about my heathen diet but I just thought ‘You dickhead’.
In all honesty, I don’t give a crap what people do and don’t like. Which means that I don’t want to hear about it. So here’s a message to the public – unless you have an allergy, a medical condition, or are a well-behaved vegetarian or vegan get over it and swallow the freakin eggplant. It won’t kill you.
What about you poppet pie? Feel like sharing the angst?
Love Lady Smaggle
xxx