This weeks rant is aimed at a very specific mutant-douche who has been bothering me for a week. He wrote possibly the rantiest email I have ever read outlining all the reasons why I suck and that he hates my institute and he is going to, I don’t know, send me anthrax or something.
For EVERY SINGLE COMPLAINT HE MADE I had a perfectly reasonable and understandable explanation as to why the event had occurred. Let me provide you with a dramatised version of the email chatter I’ve been experiencing. Lets say I work in an ice cream store… and theoretically you can send ice cream cones through the post and pre-order them online. Come on! Just humour me here…
Mutant-douche – (pre-order email) I would like a double scoop chocolate cone. Please send it to 8 Wank Face Parade.
Lady Smaggle – (sends cone)
Mutant-douche – I didn’t get my double scoop chocolate cone.
Lady Smaggle – I sent it to the address that you provided. 8 Wank Face Parade.
Mutant-douche – My address is 3 Wank Face Parade.
Lady Smaggle – (sends cone back to 3 Wank Face Parade)
Mutant-douche – (sends ranty email that goes something like this…) Dear Bitch Face, you are an incompetent whore. Why didn’t you use your ESP to figure out that my address is actually 3 Wank Face Parade not 8 Wank Face Parade? And when I didn’t get my double scoop cone why didn’t you send me another one? It’s completely unacceptable for you to think that it is MY responsibility to tell you that I haven’t received my mail. Burn in hell you Ice Cream Wench.
Lady Smaggle – (forwards many emails containing proof that Mutant-Douche is a big fat liar) Please see the forwarded emails proving that what you are saying is incorrect.
Mutant-douche – I didn’t read anything you just wrote because I’m SO FULL OF BLIND RAGE. (This is an actual quote) Seriously, how hard is it to get an address right? (pretty damn difficult when you send me THE WRONG ADDRESS!!!) I have reported you to the Ice Cream Queen and you shall be damned to hell for all eternity where they will pelt you with chocolate sprinkles and scald your skin with hot fudge sauce.
I wrote a generic ‘please call me if you wish to discuss this further’ email because I have absolutely no interest in wasting any more time on the Mutant-Douche.
I can’t stand people with blind rage. When they are so angry that no explanation will help and they just want to yell at people. It makes me wonder if he does this to everyone? I used to work in a section of a mall where everyone who worked in the stores knew each other. There was this one lady who would do the rounds every Saturday morning and complain at every store she went in to. We used to call ahead to warn each other that she was on her way. She once complained to my manager that I rolled my eyes at her. Then she went to the supermarket (where my best friend worked) and accused her of breaking her glasses. I actually saw her a few years after this incident and she’s in a wheelchair now. Karma…
Are people trained to be like this? Or are they born like it?
What about you angel face? What’s troubling you this week? Let it all out! It’s terribly therapeutic!
Love Lady Smaggle
xxx