Picture from The Situationist
This weeks rant is aimed at the stupid old lady who crushed my friendly spirits while I was on my way to watch a movie this morning. Mama Smaggle and I were making a mad dash across the car park in the rain to get in through the outside doors of the cinema. There were seven glass doors, several had sensors, and despite the fact that our movie was starting in five minutes the doors were very, very locked.
We systematically jumped around trying to activate the sensors and jiggled and bashed the remaining doors trying to get them open. After several minutes, when I started to feel the rain seeping into my underwear, we conceded defeat and made our way back across the car park. Cue Stupid Old Woman and Equally Stupid Eleven Year-old-boy. They walked up seconds after Mama Smaggle and I had finished our failed attempt at ram-raiding the cinema meaning they would have been legally blind to have missed the fact that all seven of the doors were locked. Mama Smaggle and I smiled, laughed and jauntily remarked that the doors were locked and wasn’t that silly and that we would all have to go around the front of the cinema to avoid missing the movie. Stupid Old Woman stared blankly at us for a moment, blinked a few times, said ‘Oh’ and proceeded to systematically jump around trying to activate the sensors and then jiggled and bashed the remaining doors trying to get them open. Well done, you stupid cow. Obviously Mama Smaggle and I spend our days performing a strange charade of door jiggling trying to convince innocent passers-by that the doors are locked when in actual fact they are open. We then seduce them into walking the long way into the venue. Not only inconveniencing ourselves but also our victims, we ruthlessly lead people astray in our torrid game of time wasting. What a douche-bag. Why on earth would we LIE about that? Mama Smaggle and I maturely left the dumb-arse duo behind and quickly went to buy tickets. We ran into Dumb and Dumber in the foyer a few minutes later and the smaller of the two remarked ‘Those doors were locked!’. You think? Loser.
Please share your gripes in Hava-rant Monday – I promise you’ll feel better!
Love Lady Smaggle
xxx