et me tell you the grossest story in the world, a story which perfectly illustrates how little fine dining means to me. I went to a restaurant many years ago and I managed to eat half a rotten chicken breast before I noticed it didn’t taste quite right. Everyone else at the table took one bite and flagged down the waiter, meanwhile I had happily inhaled half of mine, barely even noticing that it tasted like dead feet. Classy right? I’ve also been known to cut the mould off a piece of cheese and eat it anyway. I’m the opposite of a food snob. Most of the time I don’t notice if food is ‘good’ or ‘bad’ to me it’s just ‘edible’ or ‘probably won’t kill me so there for edible’. I actually can’t see the point in spending $200 on a meal when I can get return flights to Sydney and some Singapore noodles for the same amount of money. Food snobs tease me mercilessly about my guilty food pleasures but I have a theory that everyone secretly loves these…
Space Food Sticks
These were the child-safe protein bar of the early 90s and for some reason I could not get my mother to buy them for me. They became The Thing I Most Desired and I’d spend most of recess trying to trade my BBQ shapes for a sweet, weird, powdery chocolate treat. A friend recently ate one and chortled at how disgusting it was so naturally I had to try one. It was fucking delicious. Space Food Sticks 4eva.
Pot noodles
The dinner of choice for theatre kids. There was nothing like rocking up to the theatre in my school uniform, kicking off my uncomfortable black leather school shoes, making myself a sweet pot of dehydrated noodles with it’s own little bag of MSG and setting myself up for an evening of chronic water drinking to compensate for the excess salt I consumed, followed by chronic peeing. As an adult, nothing will cure a hangover faster than a chicken pot noodle. Fact.
Crumbed or battered oven goods
I had no idea that frozen goods designed to be baked in the oven were considered an inferior food stuff. A friend of mine once made these crazy billion times baked potatoes and had spent something ridiculous like 8 hours making them. They were great… but so are oven baked wedges with bottled sweet chilli sauce and sour cream. Also fish fingers are always awesome. Even if they’re a bit fishy, it’s still somehow okay.
Instant coffee
If I can’t get a decent barista coffee (like at almost any hotel in Sydney – seriously can someone sort that shit out?) I’d rather an instant coffee. I know it’s weird and coffee enthusiasts will kill me, but I just love that conference dining room taste. I’ll also never say no to a hot chocolate or a cappuccino sachet. Coffee flavoured chemicals thrill me.
Microwave meals
If I get home from a work trip or from a show at it’s 11pm at night, the best thing in the world is a Lean Cuisine. It doesn’t even matter which flavour. It’s all hot and delicious and good. Some people get snooty about microwave meals but they can get stuffed – they’re portion controlled, calorie controlled and available everywhere. If I’ve been on a 30 hour flight, the only cure is to bury my face in a microwave lasagne.
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What guilty pleasure convenience foods do you seamlessly indulge in? Or are you a food snob who’d rather die than chow down on some 2 minute noodles?
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