I’ve just finished listening to Sarah Von’s podcasts about lady travel (which are fantastic, I was jogging around the park the other day listening to it and giggling like a lunatic) and I noticed that one of her key phrases is ‘not negotiable’. She uses it a lot. We are both Type A Virgos (and nose twins) so there is going to be a lot of things in our lives that are not negotiable, because by nature we are not overly forgiving creatures. This got me thinking about friendships and namely how I manage to maintain any at all because I’m a rather self sufficient and solitary gal. I realised that I have quite a few ‘not negotiables’ that are mandatory to the peaceful existence of my current friendships. Just a few behaviours that all my friends practice to remain in the Smaggle circle of love.
They cannot, under any circumstances be needy.
Look, I’m not dead inside. I will obviously answer the phone at 3am if a friend calls but they have a quota of around two times each that they can do this before I crack it and if they wake me up there had better be ambulances involved. I also don’t do self-esteem bullshit. If a girlfriend refuses to leave the house because she feels fat she only gets to do that once. Especially if she makes me miss a meal. I can support a friend through an emotional crisis like a ninja, I’m just saying that they need to use their free passes in emergencies only, like break ups or death. Failed assignments and bad haircuts don’t justify a drop everything and run response from me.
They must understand that I do not do phone calls.
My bestie is a total phone slut. She talks to her sister, her mum and at least two close girlfriends every single day. She tried to include me in this list of love and after two phone calls where I basically refused to speak to her she gave up. Thank god. I talk to Mamma Smaggle on the phone or Mr Smaggle when he is away. That’s it. I’m a charming texter, Facebooker, emailer and real life talker though so I get away with it.
They must be kind.
Some of my friends can be inappropriate, shy or a little too boisterous but every single one of them is kind. I don’t tolerate mean people. I had a friend at university who cruelly, publicly and within earshot mimicked our lecturer who had a stroke. It was completely unnecessary and I haven’t spoken to her since. I don’t have room for people like that in my life.
They must be respectful.
Of other people, of property that does not belong to them, of animals, of the environment, of the beliefs of others. Respect is underrated as a measure of human worth. You can tell the way a person will treat you as a friend by the way they treat the world around them.
They must not be a dickhead.
I do understand the irony of using the term ‘dickhead’ in sequel to a paragraph on respect but there is no other appropriate descriptive word. People who brag about speeding, people who cheat on their partners, people who start sentences with ‘I’m not racist but…’ and people who litter. You should never have to apologise for the behaviour of a friend. If you do, you might have to consider the fact that they’re a dickhead.
What about you? What’s not negotiable on your friendship trait list?
Friday sharing! Yay!
Oh and the same conversations will also be happening on Facebook and Twitter, so please join in!
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