With Anti Bullying Week in our wake I’ve been thinking about how important it is to open a safe dialogue about bullying in schools and treat this issue seriously. Bullying in schools is not okay. The sad thing I’ve realised recently is that it doesn’t end after school. As a freelancer I haven’t been in a permanent office environment for a few years so I’m a bit out of the loop when it comes to office interaction. A year or two ago I did some copywriting work for a company that required me to be in the office a few days a week. It was about three weeks into my contract when I realised that two of the admin staff had serious issues with another staff member in their area. Let’s call her Jane.
I first noticed this when Jane came to speak to me about an invoice that I’d sent to the company. She’d made a mistake with my rate and was a bit confused about the payment. We sat there for a few minutes sorting out the problem and she went back to the office to fix it and left me in the busy lunchroom to finish my conversation with a co-worker that was sitting next to me. The other two admin staff, let’s call them Alex and Sarah were sitting opposite me, trying to get my attention. They were rolling their eyes, sniggering and gesticulating in the direction Jane had gone. Alex leaned forward and said ‘She’s hopeless isn’t she???‘.
I was utterly gobsmacked. I garbled a quick reply defending Jane by saying that the pay rate is complicated and I gave her the wrong information. I was furious. Not only was it incredibly unprofessional of them to bad mouth another employee in front of a room full of staff but they were also trying to recruit other people. The staff were divided between people who seemingly didn’t care and people who clearly wanted to join in and started adding their own tidbits about how stupid Jane was. The worst thing of all is that Jane’s office was literally one door down. She’d have to try really hard not to hear it. It was disgraceful.
The difficult thing in a situation like this is finding a way to intervene without getting involved. As a casual contractor I was in no position to make a fuss about the situation but there were plenty of managers and permanent members of staff who could have made an effort. I’m not asking that everyone strap on their helmet and get all Anti-Bully Commando nor I am suggesting that you put your job on the line but it’s important to be an active bystander. We won’t get anywhere if we ignore the problem. Here are a few things that everyone can do in their workplace to help stop bullying, without getting involved or jeopardizing your career.
Be Overly Nice To The Person You Suspect Is Being Bullied, Especially in Front of The Bullies
If someone is being mistreated, bullied or purposefully ostracized in your work place it’s really important that you show this person kindness. You don’t have to be best friends with them or invite them over for a Sunday roast but perhaps chat to them for a few minutes while you make your tea in the morning or stick your head in their office to see if they need anything taken out to the mailbox. Do this often and in front of other people, especially the bullies. It’s the first step you can make in taking away the power of the bullies. The more isolated a target is, the easier they are to target. Even something simple like sitting next to the victim at lunch time will make a difference. Bullies only like an audience if the audience is on their side. An impartial spectator is bully kryptonite.
Do Not Engage In Any Negative Behaviour In Your Workplace
Ever. If people are sitting around the lunch table having a whinge at the hopeless guy in accounts, don’t join in. It may be tempting to add that he totally cocked up your budget last month but what would that achieve? Negativity breads negativity and if you succumb to office gossip it’s a slippery slope to a miserable work life.
Always Give Criticism Professionally, Thoughtfully and Through the Correct Channels
You are not always going to be blessed with perfect workmates. That’s a given. If you have a manager that spends more time in the cafe downstairs than at his desk the solution is to let HR know that several of his tasks are falling onto you and that perhaps there needs to be some mediation. There’s no need to make a snide comment under your breath to a co-worker about cappuccinos and cake when he leaves the building for the fourth time that day to go to a ‘meeting’. It only makes you look bad. Make official complaints, based on facts. Don’t lower yourself to petty gossip.
Let The Bullied Person Know That You Know
You don’t have to get all Mary Sunshine and send them 15 It Gets Better YouTube video links but let them know. Diplomatically say that it’s not okay for a co-worker to speak to them in that manner and suggest that they take it higher. Don’t get involved, just let them know that they have rights as an employee and that they’re being violated when other people disrespect them in the workplace.
Let The Bully/Bullies Know You Know
Again, I’m not saying that you need to get involved you just need to hold your moral high ground. If they try to recruit you into their bully circle by asking what you think of so-and-so say something like this…
Bully – ‘Don’t you think Sue is total bitch?‘
You – ‘Oh I don’t know, I’d say she’s a straight shooter.‘
Bully – ‘Don’t you think Michael is an idiot?‘
You – ‘His job isn’t easy and he’s still learning how to use that program. It looks terrifying to me!‘
Bully – ‘Don’t you think that Julie is a total waste of space?‘
You – ‘No way, she’s a gem! She spent 15 minutes fixing the photocopier for me. Saved my whole afternoon!’
Bullies are like zombies. Manageable one on one but almost impossible to beat in a group. If we all stop supporting bullies they completely lose their power. Bullies, like zombies also learn by example. If you climb a ladder in front of a zombie, they’ll do it. If you show kindness and promote inclusiveness in front of a bully, they’ll do it too. It might take them a few tries, but they’ll get it right eventually.