Oh yes ladies it’s time for a little walk down memory lane. I am experiencing something for first time in my life – fashion regret. As a child of the 80’s I can blame Mama Smaggle for the flouro push down socks, massive jumpers and leggings of the era. Being 6 years old I had little choice in how I was dressed and Mama Smaggle was in full 80’s flight and I have learnt from experience that you never mess with a lady with a perm. I must say though that I have no one to blame but myself for the shameless fashion disasters I promoted through out the early to mid 90’s. I was 10 years old and fully capable of choosing my own overalls and plastic butterfly hair clips. Actually come to think of it I know exactly who to blame and it sure as hell ain’t me… It’s bloody Kelly Taylor and Brenda Walsh.
The Top Ten 90’s Fashion Offenders That Beverly Hills 90210 Should Be Held Accountable For…
* Denim– Pale, pale, washed out, weak and soft denim. High waisted denim shorts, denim overalls and denim shirts get the biggest mention. I believe I owned at least one of each. And if I remember correctly I owned a 90210 dinky diary that recommended I stock up on ‘classic denim’ items such as these as they were sure to be staple wardrobe items. Riiiiight… And please raise your hands in you owned a pair of Dache Tencel jeans? Those hideous baggy jeans that boasted static as one of its most appealing features? Or those long slim fit denim shorts with the strips of patterned material down the side seams? Tre chic…
* High cut bikinis – The higher the better. The ability to stretch the waist band ABOVE your hip bone gives extra street cred. Because everybody wants to see the crease between your leg and your hip…
* Matt Lipstick– Preferably in some kind of apricot or brown tone. Dark burgundy and dark red are essential for formal occasions. And whatever you do don’t try to emphasise one feature. It’s all about lips and eyes at the same time. Lots of eyeliner, lip liner and blush. And none of this shimmery bullshit. We want cakey and matt.
* Long, long hair with blunt fringes – Actually I don’t think this trend is that embarrassing. I think it’s cool. And if my hair would hold this style I cut my own damn fringe right now. And don’t even try to tell me that you weren’t in love with Kelly’s hair. We all were. Some of us still are. Just deal with it.
* Dresses with with sandshoes and socks– Remember Drop Dead Fred? With Phoebe Cate? She wore long long dresses with those little white sneakers (I think Americans call them Bass Weejuns or something?) and socks. Make sure the dress is shapeless with lots of little buttons down the front. And if you really want to be a true 90’s advocate wear a skivvy under the dress. In forest green or magenta. Andrea rocked this look a few times in the Hills… enough said.
* Grunge– This one’s for the lads. Find out what size clothes you wear. Multiply it by one million and wear that size instead. And don’t belt your baggy Stussy jeans above your arse. It’s much cooler to have your butt cheeks hanging over the top of your belt so we can see your undies. And massive sneakers with huge tongues are also cool. As are chains. Think 90210’s David.
* The miniature back pack– A teeny tiny back pack instead of a handbag. I know both Brenda and Kelly owned one but I think I may have to point the finger at Baby Spice for elongating the life of this little fashion disaster.
* Doc Martins – These were so hard core in the 90’s. Kelly wears hers with little summer dresses. Which I also think is very cool. Very Courtney Love circa Kurt Cobain…
*F*ck me bands– Some of my international readers will be offended by this term (as will Nanny and Poppy Smaggle)and I am sure you have much more eloquent descriptions of these accessories but for those Aussies out there you know what I am talking about. All those coloured rubber bracelets that you would dish out amongst your friends and if someone of the opposite sex broke one there were all these codes about what you had to do to them. The black one was the most popular… Mostly the unpopular crowd at Beverly Hills High wore these while Kelly sneered at them and tried to kick them out of her parties.
* The Body Con dress– Think Donna. The tighter, the shorter, the better. This fad started with Azzedine Alaia and his range of super tight and short mini-dresses. Remember the little white dress that Cher wears in Clueless? That’s the one. It’s not a totally hideous idea but you need to have zero percent body fat and no shame to wear it. Just like Donna…
And if you were thinking that it’s too soon for a 90’s revival think again.
Meet Na and Tain…
Two of my nearest and dearest friends that became so delirious after after watching endless episodes of 90210 on DVD that they decided to start their own 90’s revival. I must say I am impressed with Tain’s high waisted shorts and bodysuit. And Na’s carpet dress and cowboy boots are to die for. The matt orange lipstick really completes the look don’t you think? These brave ladies actually wore these outfits in public to a rehearsal the other night. While humming the 90210 theme song and giggly like hyenas on speed.
Oh and Na has very kindly contributed a few inspirational shots for those of you who wish to climb on board the train to 90’s Town… Photo comments by Na…
Big, big hair.
High, high waists.
Bikinis and blunt fringes!
Blazers! Button-down shirts buttoned all the way up! Double denim! Bizarre prints on shirts! Collar tips! Daisies on everything! MATTE LIPSTICK…
And now my little smagglets it’s your turn. What fashion faux par did you commit in the 90’s? Oh come on! I told you mine…