Christian Bale
So Christian Bale is obviously pretty mainstream. You know being BATMAN and all, but I’m including him as obscure because he’s not as universally fuck-able as his A-lister buddies like Clooney or Gosling. Bale seems to scare a lot of women shit-less from a feisty combination of his anger management issues and his creepy choice of film roles. Personally I call that a randy recipe for success. He’d be like that intense guy you slept with during university. Quiet and serious and he’d talk about really weird things in bed like birds and playing the cello. All other interactions with him would be awkward as hell but the sex would be electrifying.
Jason Schwartzman
Every time I see Schwartzman kiss someone on screen I get a rather pleasant tingle in my nether-regions. The combination of his very serious eyebrows and terribly earnest expression makes me think he’d be an extraordinarily giving lover. Not like a feathery-stroker – more like a self assured, karmic sex god. You’d get to keep a piece of his soul forever.
Kat Dennings
Even though she’s straight (and for that matter so am I), I’m convinced that all people would have amazing sex with Kat Dennings. She’s an enigma. Smart and sexy but kind of intriguing. It would be like having sex with a hot witch. Make it count though… I have a feeling she’s the kind of girl who won’t sleep with the same person twice.
Peter Serafinowicz
I have one word to describe theoretical sex with Serafinowicz. Skill. Comedians are intelligent. They research. They absorb the world around them. Not only is Serafinowicz built like a Tall Dark And Handsome Pleasure Bot but he’d have the moves to back it up. He’d also be a perfectionist. He wouldn’t give up until he got it just right. For bonus points he’s also a very talented impersonator. So if sex with Kevin Spacey is on your bucket list you’ll certainly get your money’s worth out of this guy.
Peter Dinklage
Before anyone really knew Peter Dinklage’s name I was referring to him as the ‘sexy little person from The Station Agent‘. He’s such a cheeky bandit. Sex with him would just be plain fun. The kind of sex where you fall all over the bed and knock stuff off the bedside table. You might accidentally cop an elbow to the face but you’d laugh it off and spend the afternoon naked together eating cereal.